Brake Pads, Drag Queens, Yams, and Two Hours in a Semi-Abandoned Upstate Strip Mall

Car Maintenance Advice from a Drag Queen

Invasion of the Pines, 2009ish

Mavis offers a lifetime warranty on its brake pads. That’s what the guy told me. I visited the warranty page of their website and could not find any information on brake pad warranties. However, the guy told me that if I come back within a twelve months/12,000 mile period, they will install free brake pads (there may be labor costs). I questioned him multiple times. After his third reassurance, I bought into their free brake pad philosophy.

I write this post like a born-again missionary proselytizing the benefits of a lifetime of free brake pads, eager to spread the good news and enlighten others.

Before free brake pads, I lived in a dark place. I wore my car down. Regularly, my car not only needed new brake pads, but also rotors and calipers. It cost over $1,000 a visit. Why was I so pound-foolish.

As I reflect wistfully on the past twenty years of life decisions, I am both contented and disheartened.

There once was a time, twenty years and twenty pounds ago, when I danced and partied all night on the sandy beaches of Fire Island. I rode in a ferry with other drag queens in the annual Invasion of the Pines.

It was fabulous!

Nowadays, I anxiously wait until the end of fall to call the roofer to clean out my gutters then go to the tire store to switch from all-season tires to snow tires. I'm now adding brake pad replacement to this list.

Both lifestyles require a lot of maintenance.

With free brake pad replacements, I am no longer concerned with the cost, in dollars. However, I am still concerned with the cost, in time. After I drop off my car, what am I going to do at a semi-abandoned strip mall?

Throughout the years, I've learned to budget at least two hours for the procedure. You can make an appointment, and in theory, that's a better option with less wait time. But you are still at the mercy of who showed up to work that day and who showed up before you with bigger car problems. It's a gamble.

I pack for brake and tire maintenance visits as if I'm going on an expedition. Anticipating a productive afternoon at a car repair shop workstation, I bring my cell phone, laptop, charger(s), headphones, ipad, and a book - in case the WiFi does not work.

What do I actually do with my time? I read the Columbia INsider while eating a lunch special at the Plaza Diner. (The lunch special experience at the Plaza Diner is a topic worthy of its own post).

I flip through the Columbia INsider and marvel at their dedication to print media. The Columbia INsider and Trixie's List similarly reprint many of the same local press releases, but I am always envious of their crossword puzzles, word searches, and cartoons. This month's issue had an article explaining the difference between a sweet potato and a yam. I read the entire piece. With my newly gained knowledge, I opened a pre-pandemic can of yams sitting in my cupboard, only to be disappointed. The can's label did not differentiate between the two varieties of carbohydrates and the contents were equally indistinguishable.

My can of yams was a stark starch reminder of how corporations can mislead us.

Will Mavis honor its undocumented promise of a lifetime of free brake pads? I will let you know.

One can only hope.